Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Swandive

I was riding in the car with my daughter when she suddenly tuned into the lyrics of an Ani Difranco song I know she'd heard dozens of times before. She turned to me, perplexed, and said, What did she say?

i'm cradling the hardest,
heaviest part of me in my hands
the ship is pitching and heaving,
my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is something i understand
i just need a little vaccination
for my far-away vacation
i'm going to go ahead and go boldly
'cause a little bird told me
the jumping is easy, the falling is fun
right up until you hit the sidewalk,
shivering, stunned

and they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i'm just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown...

Is she talking about suicide? my daughter asked. I don't think so, I said. I think she might be talking about coming out.

2 comments:

Share Cropper said...

C, you are not alone. Coming out is like attempting suicide - relief, scared, dying to a part of yourself, rising to another. Explaining that to a daughter is hard. My love and prayers are with you.

Cecilia said...

Thank you Share Cropper for your words of solidarity. Dying and rising, yes. That is it precisely.

Pax, C.