Trying to get a fix on the spiritual aspects of all I've been blogging about-- primarily, the quest for improved physical health by losing weight and getting stronger-- just got easy. I learned yesterday (again) that I am seriously broken (again).
Less than five hours after posting I found myself face to face with certain, shall we say, sugary items at an unexpected coffee hour (who knew the Wearing O' the Green Coffee Hour was March 2? Not I). Reader, I devoured them.
Then I went about my business (read: my pastoral duties of the afternoon). When this was done, I met Beloved for some quality time. When this was done, I looked for more sugary treats.
But, you know, I'm OK. Because this is the way it works, I think. Two steps forward, one step back, then a step forward again. Today was my step forward. Again no sugar, again eating in moderation, paying attention to how my body feels. Tonight, in light of bouncing back from a binge quickly, I am feeling more optimistic about my long term prospects for change than I have felt in a long, long time.
And what better lesson for Lent than to know once again the truth of my brokenness? I ask you. Original sin. Original blessing. A being of dust, returning to dust. The place where the center will not hold. It's the truth for every one of us. It's the reason we need God, and cannot do without the shadow of the Divine Wings. And my goodness and progress don't rely on my perfection (thank God) but only on my willingness to let go, and to ask for help.
I feel light tonight. Hearted, that is.