Monday, March 3, 2008

Blogging Lent 6: Brokenness

Trying to get a fix on the spiritual aspects of all I've been blogging about-- primarily, the quest for improved physical health by losing weight and getting stronger-- just got easy. I learned yesterday (again) that I am seriously broken (again).

Less than five hours after posting I found myself face to face with certain, shall we say, sugary items at an unexpected coffee hour (who knew the Wearing O' the Green Coffee Hour was March 2? Not I). Reader, I devoured them.

Then I went about my business (read: my pastoral duties of the afternoon). When this was done, I met Beloved for some quality time. When this was done, I looked for more sugary treats.

But, you know, I'm OK. Because this is the way it works, I think. Two steps forward, one step back, then a step forward again. Today was my step forward. Again no sugar, again eating in moderation, paying attention to how my body feels. Tonight, in light of bouncing back from a binge quickly, I am feeling more optimistic about my long term prospects for change than I have felt in a long, long time.

And what better lesson for Lent than to know once again the truth of my brokenness? I ask you. Original sin. Original blessing. A being of dust, returning to dust. The place where the center will not hold. It's the truth for every one of us. It's the reason we need God, and cannot do without the shadow of the Divine Wings. And my goodness and progress don't rely on my perfection (thank God) but only on my willingness to let go, and to ask for help.

I feel light tonight. Hearted, that is.

7 comments:

more cows than people said...

good for you, dear one. good for you. every day is new, and gift given to us for health and growth.

LittleMary said...

a beautiful post. glad you are getting peace. that is the best.

Suzer said...

Thank you for this. I needed to hear it.

Jen said...

I love your blog. I'm not even sure I believe in god anymore but your posts are beautiful and thought provoking. I wish I knew the peace you know. Thank you for sharing.

As for sugar...I fight that fight as well. Night time is a bad time for me. I feel tons better when I don't indulge but god I love chocolate....

johnieb said...

I don't read your blog as often as I think of you, and hold you before Godde in my prayers, dear sister. I long for your life to be reconciled in all its parts.

RevDrKate said...

Thank you for this... I needed to hear it again and you said it beautifully.

sharecropper said...

Congrats on your perseverance! I've just been maintaining on Weight watchers...that's been my goal. Broken - all of us are. And, do you know a family that is not dysfunctional? Thanks for your honesty on this blog.