Monday, September 21, 2009

Calvin Was Right

... on, at the very least, this point: The Book of Psalms is indeed an "anatomy of all the parts of the human soul."

For not in my own bow do I trust,
nor can my sword save me. ~ Psalm 44:6

In re "getting my house in order": I continue to be amazed and humbled by the wisdom of the 12-steps. Now, I don't want this blog to get all 12-steppy. I personally find people who spout catchphrases constantly the HEIGHT of annoying. True, those catchphrases frequently contain a dose of real wisdom, but I start to suspect I'm in the presence of a brainwashed automaton if not a paragraph can go by without one of them as its focus statement.

To summarize: I am amazed at the truth/ helpfulness of what I have been taught through this program, at the heart of which is: I am not, on my own, able to conquer this problem. This problem, which is an addiction. I am not. I really, really must rely on the grace of God to help me. And I frequently find this piece of wisdom popping up in scripture, particularly the psalms.

And the answer is often so simple. I said "simple," not "easy." It is not easy to forego foods I want. It is not easy to chop a gazillion vegetables into salad each week. It is not easy to make times for meetings, or to make a phone call rather than take an unwise/unplanned bite. None of that is easy. But it is all simple. I have a program. If I don't want to be entirely off the rails around food, I have to put that program first. I have to do a bunch of simple things every day to help to support me in that program. All of that is simple.

The first thing I have to do is put my money where my mouth is regarding God. Do I believe in God, or not? Do I believe God can help me, or not? And if I don't believe that God can help me, can I at least believe that someone else believes, and put my faith in that person?

Not in my own bow do I trust. At least, not to solve this particular conundrum. My bow works pretty well on all manner of things, but where food is concerned it has only brought me to sorrow. So, not in my own bow do I trust. I trust in God. Today. Right this minute. Today, that's about all I can do.

Here ends the sermon.

4 comments:

Songbird said...

(o)

Mieke said...

amen sister.

Sam said...

You are so right. I've had to face this through my daughter's addiction. I'm supposed to be in alanon, but there just isn't one here. One of the ladies I have met through the rehab is a walking fount of alanon phrases, it really is annoying, but I can see it working for her. ( I do like "the itty bitty shitty committee" one though!)

I'm working on my 12 steps, I've got the "I've got no control part down", it's the surrender piece I can't get past. Can't I surrender 90%?

You're doing great, you've inspired me to get back at it.

jsd said...

I was really bummed with myself the last few weeks about my weight. I had begun noticing that pants weren't fitting right and then I had to get two pairs of bigger pants. It took forever for me to lose weight before and that was with WW, exercise, and a lot more time. Hence the bummed part, because I know how hard it's going to be to get rid of it again.

So, congratulations on all the time and effort it takes to prep veggies and other food stuffs!