Friday, November 23, 2007

Lazy Late Afternoon Thoughts

It is odd, isn't it that this coming Sunday is not the first Sunday in Advent? I am unused to the calendar cooperating with the feast of Christ the King in this particular way. Normally we have the pull between the US-an holiday, Thanksgiving, and the last Sunday of the church year, on which we acknowledge Christ as Lord of all and head of the church. I am quite happy at this turn of events. We can all use an extra week to prepare ourselves for Advent.

Today I made Beloved a turkey sandwich, complete with cranberries and stuffing, at her request. I delivered it to her place of work, along with some wine and dessert and other assorted side dishes. She was most grateful.

The whole time I was assembling it I was thinking of Ross and the Moist-maker.

I am not comfortable with two days off in a row. I feel a mild sense of guilt dogging me.

I have been thinking about ending this blog. I am not sure I have much that is terribly interesting to say. I am also aware of what I must omit from this blog in order to have some hope of it truly being anonymous. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of something I wanted to share, and stopped myself, because connections could so easily be drawn. I'm not there yet.

It's dark out already. I love this time of day.

15 comments:

more cows than people said...

oh dear cecilia- i hope this blog continues. i do.

Gus said...

I enjoy your blog, but it makes me nervous that you risk yourself. I hope you'll continue, but if you don't, I, for one, will understand. Thank you.

Jennifer said...

Cecilia, you give so many of us hope....please don't stop writing. I'm certain it is difficult to write from behind the veil (or within the closet door), but your blog is a favorite for many of us...keep us along on your journey, even if you can't share every twist and turn!!!

Heidi said...

Please don't stop blogging - I love your blog. But I know what you mean about holding back and worrying about people making connections. I probably have as many drafts as posts. I worry too, but less and less with time. Don't know if that is good or bad.

Kate said...

I have only just begun to read your blog in the last month. I'm in Canada, in one of the dioceses that's recently passed a motion to allow clergy whose consciences lead them to it, to perform blessings of civil marriages of same-gender couples in the church. I'm a lay delegate to my diocesan Synod from my parish; its secretary; and a Div student who's doing a placement in a much more conservative parish. One of my educational components is to lead the first of the discussions in this conservative parish, leading them, eventually, to holding a vote on whether they will hold such blessing ceremonies in their church. They won't. This is my task, because I need to learn to deal with confrontation.

I found you by looking at the ECUSA website and following links. I think it was the MadPriest who brought me to you. I've been trying to scroll back to the beginning, and read the sum total of your blog, in chronological order ... I'll miss you, if you stop, but I also understand why you're thinking about it.

Mother Laura said...

Oh, I hope you don't stop, dear Cecilia. I wish you could share more of yourself with us, but what you can is so powerful and would be sorely missed.

Happy belated feastday, by the way--I got mixed up and thought it was today instead of yesterday, and said a special prayer for you. We rejoice in your song, even from the land of exile....

Suzer said...

Ditto what Gus said.

I will miss you if you stop, but appreciate the risk involved in maintaining this blog.

Lisa said...

Cecilia, I think I've read every post you've written, though I seldom feel I have anything worthwhile to offer in the comments.

I have been glad to follow your journey. And occasionally worried about you. I can't imagine living life in the closet, so I tend to become impatient. Reading here has helped me temper that instinct.

Let me suggest (or remind you) there's an alternative to "quitting" the blog. Blogger allows you to set up a blog and make it accessible only to those you specifically invite. You could do something like that for your more personal or "revealing" posts, while keeping this one for essays that seem safe for public consumption.

don't eat alone said...

Cecilia

Should you choose to stop blogging, I will sorely miss your voice in the conversation that is our lives. I understand the risk you are describing and I think this blog is one of the steps on the way to your not having to be closeted. For that reason, I implore you to keep taking the risk; it will be worth it.

Peace,
Milton

Lisa said...

Milton raises a point worth considering. Do you have a healthy community of gay/lesbian Christians where you are? It sounds like you don't. In that case, what would you be losing without the voices of encouragement you hear here? Yes, we would still communicate through the other progressive blogs you frequent. But you can write more here.

I don't presume to tell you what to do. I just want to be supportive and encouraging.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Lisa beat me to it---I don't know how you would figure out who you'd be comfortable inviting to a private blog, but it's worth considering.

Cecilia, what you have to say is important---and, I will risk making the observation---by saying it, you are moving by slow degrees toward being out. I suspect that is why you started this blog to begin with---I sometimes think that writers write their way into authenticity. I certainly feel that is what my blog does for me---makes me wrestle with hard things in my life and come to grips with them in some way.

I hope you won't stop writing. I think your writing is going to carry you to places you really need--and want--to go.

Pax,
Doxy

Anonymous said...

I've enjoyed your blog, and your journey, which (as I've said) draws parallels with my own. i hope you find a way to keep it going. As others have said, you can have a more private place as well for a selected few. But I understand the concern. I also am concerned about being too open, which is one of the reasons I do not blog (but comment on others). Regardless, I hope I can continue to know you, even in this internet anonymity.

IT

Caminante said...

Late to the discussion, as always, but if you go the route of having an invitation-only blog, I hope I will be included in the invite list.

Catherine + said...

I'm with Caminante about the invitation-only blog. But Cecilia, my sister, please don't go...we need you and your voice...

Catherine+

Kate said...

Much belated comment here -- life's been exciting but -- please stay! I'd miss you.