Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Health Check-In

Departing from the lofty topics of late (theology, etc.)... I wanted to post an update on, er, my eating situation. As it were. Back in Lent I shared that I was attempting to honor my body as a part of God's good creation; one way I tried to do this was to go sugar-free. The results of this experiment were disappointing... not the results of being sugar-free, the results of my trying to be sugar free. I did not do it for long. Shortly after my last entry on the subject (about a week in) I quit altogether, and did not blog about that because of, Oh, you know, shame, self-loathing, that sort of thing.

I believe my trying to wrap this in a Lenten discipline was complicated. There was a way in which failing meant, 'failing God,' and the guilt of that is very tough. Make God a promise and break it. Not a good situation.

Part of the reason I think I failed was that I was trying to do it on my own. Beloved was supportive, of course, but I was essentially trying to figure it out myself, tweak the rules, etc. I was not able to sustain it.

Today I am on day 10 of no sugar, no flour, no personal binge foods, three weighed and measured meals a day. Grace before and after each meal. I get on my knees in the morning to ask God's help, I call three people a day to give and get support, I go to several meetings of folks doing this same thing, I read literature appropriate to my problem (addiction). At the end of the day I get down on my knees to thank God for helping me get through.

I have also been on an exercise program for about a month-- 5 or 6 days a week of vigorous activity, which I love.

As you can see, God is involved in this, but not as judge. God is involved as Tender Encourager, Head Cheerleader, Provider of Goodness. Here is the prayer I have been praying at meals:

Thank you, God, for this food. Let it nourish me, sustain me, and encourage me. I pray in the name of Jesus, who invites me to the table for blessing and not curse, for life and not death. Amen.

Feeling kind of sparkly again. Just thought you'd like to know.

14 comments:

Choralgirl said...

Go, Cecilia, go! :-)

3things said...

Cecilia, this is excellent! I am excited for you. If you feel like sharing, I'm interested in the details - what sort of exercise you are doing, what sort of portions are suggested (weights and measures, etc.)

You even sound sparkle-y!os

John Shuck said...

Since you are opening up that closet door, I thought I would be of service by [gasp!] tagging you!

Don't give away any state secrets!

Hidden in Christ said...

it amazes me to see how there are lots of people in our little blog community who are committed to getting healthy! i, too, have been eating healthy and exercising and it is changing my life, truly! i know its hard, especially getting off sugar. two weeks ago i had major withdrawals and detox woes. but lo and behold i'm feeling better. and yes, it only works when we surrender and let Christ live through us. it's so worth it: honoring our body with taking care of it.

i'm proud of you! thanks for sharing. for being vulnerable in a new way :)

Barb said...

I love the image of God as tender encourager etc and the prayer as well; especially Jesus inviting us to the table for blessing not curse. Isn't it funny how, no matter what we preach to others, the opposite images of God have a tight grip when things get really personal ?

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

This was so helpful. I need to cut back on some personal binges too, but I've been hesitating. Yesterday, I saw my doctor. She was so pleased that I'd lost 10 pounds. I didn't. The nurse wrote the weight down wrong, and I didn't realize it until after the doctor read off the numbers of my weight for the last five years. When I figured out the mistake, I didn't correct it. It bothers me that I did that.

I really appreciated your sentence "As you can see, God is involved in this, but not as judge. God is involved as Tender Encourager, Head Cheerleader, Provider of Goodness." I'll see if I can try to learn from that view.

Tandaina- said...

Yeah! This just makes me smile, so happy for you. And I love the feeling of God involved intimately and supportively in this.

FranIAm said...

Oh my- that is so great and you shine a light for those of us who wish to follow!

I am so pleased to hear this and wish you ongoing grace, health and peace.

Jan said...

Cecilia, you are doing great!! I am so very impressed and hope I can follow your example. I'm not cutting out flour, but am cutting out snacks, and trying to choose HEALTH. I wish I'd exercise as much as you though.

jadedjabber said...

This is fantastic! Good for you.

Saintly Ramblings said...

For this, and your previous post, the lyrics of ONE DAY AT A TIME, SWEET JESUS by Marijohn Wilkins and Kris Kristofferson seem really appropriate:

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Dancing on the ceiling said...

Marvelous prayer! Thank you for your transparency. I am struggling, too. You have showed me a new way.
Barbara

Doorman-Priest said...

This evening I have had beer fries and chocolate. I may need to honour my body more - something I am always on the verge of doing!

Singing Owl said...

I like the prayer! What a reminder...not to God of course. To the one about to eat..wow!