Departing from the lofty topics of late (theology, etc.)... I wanted to post an update on, er, my eating situation. As it were. Back in Lent I shared that I was attempting to honor my body as a part of God's good creation; one way I tried to do this was to go sugar-free. The results of this experiment were disappointing... not the results of being sugar-free, the results of my trying to be sugar free. I did not do it for long. Shortly after my last entry on the subject (about a week in) I quit altogether, and did not blog about that because of, Oh, you know, shame, self-loathing, that sort of thing.
I believe my trying to wrap this in a Lenten discipline was complicated. There was a way in which failing meant, 'failing God,' and the guilt of that is very tough. Make God a promise and break it. Not a good situation.
Part of the reason I think I failed was that I was trying to do it on my own. Beloved was supportive, of course, but I was essentially trying to figure it out myself, tweak the rules, etc. I was not able to sustain it.
Today I am on day 10 of no sugar, no flour, no personal binge foods, three weighed and measured meals a day. Grace before and after each meal. I get on my knees in the morning to ask God's help, I call three people a day to give and get support, I go to several meetings of folks doing this same thing, I read literature appropriate to my problem (addiction). At the end of the day I get down on my knees to thank God for helping me get through.
I have also been on an exercise program for about a month-- 5 or 6 days a week of vigorous activity, which I love.
As you can see, God is involved in this, but not as judge. God is involved as Tender Encourager, Head Cheerleader, Provider of Goodness. Here is the prayer I have been praying at meals:
Thank you, God, for this food. Let it nourish me, sustain me, and encourage me. I pray in the name of Jesus, who invites me to the table for blessing and not curse, for life and not death. Amen.
Feeling kind of sparkly again. Just thought you'd like to know.