Monday, July 27, 2009

Dumb Pain

I have been on a tear about getting my house in order. (No, not my metaphorical house. The actual building in which I keep my bed, my clothes, my piano, my guitars and my Sabon skin cream.) I had my bedroom painted not long ago (by a member of "the family," a lovely, strapping woman who can-do literally everything you can think of in the way of home repair). The walls are a soft green, the ceiling is lavender, and the trim is glossy white.

On Saturday she was painting my front porch. Inside, I was inspired (after my sermon was finished) to hang pictures. A lot of them. Everything from a gorgeous framed poster of Nijinsky in his "La Spectre de la Rose" garb to two little lithographs of street scenes of San Francisco to a pencil drawing done of my dad in uniform, when he was on R and R in the Philippines in 1944. Also, posters-- show posters, from productions my children and I have been in.

Anyway, I attacked my hanging project with tremendous enthusiasm. I climbed. I hammered. I fastened screws. I broke a sweat. When all was said and done, the inside of my upstairs was really looking very spiffy and intentional. And my right hip was feeling a little funky.

Despite carrying around a lot of excess weight most of my adult life, I've been remarkably free of ill-effects. Having lost around 100 lbs last year has only helped my joints. But as Saturday night progressed, and Beloved and I changed our plans to accomodate my growing discomfort, I went into a full-blown... I don't know what, but it hurt like hell. I barely slept Saturday night.

On Sunday morning I rose early to give myself enough time to get to church. I worked through the logistics of the service: I would go up the three chancel steps at the beginning, and only go down to stay down. I would do the children's message from up there. I would only go to the main floor at the benediction.

I got through the service alright, but the pain by this point was making me dizzy. I went to the walk-in clinic, where I received confirmation that, yes indeed, I had pulled a muscle. Really badly. They told me to take that pill Dr. House fancies, and I have been taking them by halves, only when the pain is really intolerable. (At 1:47 this morning, for example).When I got home from the walk-in, Beloved essentially watched me sleep (she also read the New York Times and the local rag).

I have had a lot of time to lie around and think about pain; reading, when the pain is that bad, is out of the question.

I basically have no insight to offer on pain, except to say that it is awful, and this is just a piddly little muscle ache, not bone cancer for heaven's sake. I'm kind of ashamed at what a baby I am. But holy toledo, I have been in agony, I have had to cancel everything for the next 48 hours, and I have been ordering poor Petra around to boot. (Actually, we had a cozy day. When the House pills kicked in we started watching season 3 of "The Gilmore Girls." We just watched the episode where Francie and Rory go head to head, and then Petra went off to a rehearsal for the next play she's appearing in.)

So, I'm in pain. Dumb pain (because I don't even know when/how I injured myself). And... no insight. It's just awful. Must remember that.


Liz said...

oh yes, sometimes you need to dig deep with pain. It's an interesting journey. I experienced excruciating pain for 5 1/2 months. Wow, did I learn alot.
Breathe, and really rest is my advice.
Happy healing, with love
whistle if you need anything..anything.

FranIAm said...

Oh there is a sermon in here, isn't there?

Sorry you are in pain, use the downtime for peace and healing.

Glad to hear of all this "change."

I will be in your area, but only from late Saturday night to mid-afternoon Sunday. Not sure of connecting, but who knows?

One day!

Feel better, prayers for you!

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Cecilia---ouch! You have my deep sympathies and prayers for healing. And I'm with Liz---breathe and REALLY rest.


Choralgirl said...

Oh, Honey. Heal quickly, huh?

susan s. said...

Here from MadPriest's prayer list post.

Prayers are ascending.

But please, as one who knows from pain, stop looking for the sermon and take the pills as prescribed. You don't lose the pain by taking half one only when you feel pain. And hot showers since I know that getting up and down in the tub is not the thing to do. And as Liz and Doxy say, don't forget to breathe.

Cecilia said...

Thank you so much all of you.

And Susan S.... you got me! You totally got me. This is a real hazard of the life of the preacher... always looking for the sermon. No leisure to simply be. And just take the damned pills. You are so right!

Thanks all. I'm doing better today (though now that Susan mentions it...)

LittleMary said...

so sad you feel so yucky! pain sucks. any kind. couldn't agree more. hope you are feeling better soon (and many, many thanks for the fabulous sermon:))

Sarah S-D said...

oh dear one, so sorry. i pray you are well again soon. ((((cecilia))) yeah for a pretty house, house pills, and gilmore girls (and your beloveds).

Anonymous said...

I;m late to the reading, but know this for sure - -if you can take the house pills before it starts hurting, ever the better! I finally learned what "stay ahead of it" means.

Prayers of thinaksgiving for good caretakers, and prayers of healing for you.

jsd said...

hope you are feeling better today!

Joanna Depue said...

I was born w/one defective disc - there is an unfilled crack in it. everything is fine until somehow the nerve gets lodged there - then ice pick pain ensues. Have had lots of therapy and am aware of how I move my spine, how I get from here to there.

All that said, there can be something very spiritual about dealing with chronic illness and pain - and some essential truths you come to understand about life, its fragility, the common thread of being human.

For you personally: rest, rest and pray. Then take small steps getting back into your 'normal' routine. Keep in mind that if you do one additional small thing each day, that is 100 more than you were able to do the day before.

Glad to finally start reading your blog regularly. Heal well and be gentle with yourself in the process.