Beloved and I have just returned from a several day festival at a city not too far away, where everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, was Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, and Queer.
It was heaven.
We held hands. We gazed into one another's eyes over dinner at a spectacular restaurant. We did NOT make out publicly; we're lesbians of a certain age, and we leave that sort of thing to the young (such as the twenty-five-ish girls at the next table who were engaged in quite a bit of lip-chewing). But we were very together, very publicly, in that safe, safe space.
So this is what it's like!
I have so appreciated everyone's responses to my recent post "Four Options: a Cycle." I think there is great truth to what many of you say; I seem to be leaning increasingly towards the "option" of being out in the world. I put "option" in quotes, because, as many have pointed out, that is the direction in which I am heading, no matter how I hesitate or pretend to myself that I have some decision to make. I continue to do things such as take trips with Beloved and spend time with her very publicly even in our own community. Large numbers of LGBTQ folks know about us, and it is only a matter of time, really, before the communities of my life intersect.
My greatest hope is to be able to do it all with integrity, not to skulk or try to hide, but, when the time is come, to simply smile and say, "Yes. This is my life. And I believe that God blesses my love. And I believe that by my fruits in both my personal life and in my ministry, you shall know me."
I am grateful that my children know me fully, that my ex-husband is supportive, and that Beloved knows from personal experience the pain and beauty of coming out after a long time in the closet.
The roller-coaster is nearing the summit. Time to let go and experience the terror and exhilaration of the fall.