Thank you, friends, for your responses to the last post. I am particularly intrigued that this community has such intimate, firsthand knowledge of the struggle I am going through with weight issues. I invite you to share with me what worked for you. I've read that several of you have been able to have significant transformations of your physical selves... I am interested in what finally "clicked" for you. Beloved is convinced until I have a dire physical issue, like diabetes or a heart attack, I won't "do anything." I think it is very hard for those who have never experienced this particular challenge to "get" what this feels like. I think Kate says it well: I too already feel weak, ashamed, embarrassed, horrified... just because I don't go about my daily life expressing these things does not mean they are not true for me. So, tell, me, you who have gone into scary realms with your weight, and returned to a place of health. What was your turning point?
My daughter and I saw Beloved last night; we had been trying to get her to see a favorite movie of ours for a long time, and we finally did it. I cooked a lovely, healthy stew of chicken, wild rice, carrots, onions and wine, and we ate it on big pillows on the floor of Beloved's apartment while we watched "All About Eve."
It is a movie after my own heart. The lead (not title) character, Margo Channing, is a brilliant actress facing the hard realities of aging in the public eye. She is partnered with a man who is crazy about her, but she is insecure about his love (incorrectly, as it turns out... he is solid). She frets over the "things she has let go on her climb up the ladder," and her neglect of the one career all women have in common: being a woman.
The film presents a world view most of us would consider pretty outdated: that a woman's ultimate worth lies in "looking up at 6 o'clock, and there he is." Well, that's not my world, in so many ways. But I relate to her insecurities. I mind this shield of invisibility I've put around myself... a relic, I think, of a time when I feared my sexuality more than anything, feared my ability to be faithful in marriage because I kept falling in love outside it (with women). Well, that doesn't need to be my fear. I am joyfully partnered. But the insecurity is there. The remnants of that antiquated world view still pop up in my thinking now and then.
We have a long way to go.