Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Both Shall Row

We're going to ring in 2009 with record-breaking cold in my neck of the woods, complete with just enough snow to make the roads dangerous to those who are not smart about drinking and driving (i.e., those who do it).

Here there is a large pot of lentil soup beginning to simmer, there are children playing with their Christmas presents, and there are plans for festivities on the town tonight. (Festivities for which we will be very, very warmly dressed.)

Beloved and I had a wonderful Christmas with my family, followed by some difficult days together. Out of respect for her privacy I will simply say that her health continues to be a concern, and your prayers are coveted.

This morning she and I met for coffee at our favorite place whilst the children slept in. We went over some papers together... she sometimes asks me, even though I know little about her business, to look over things like insurance policies with her, just for a fresh eye. At a certain point, we discussed the upcoming visit of her daughter and family (for whom the lentils simmer). Beloved is thinking about things like long term health care in the event of emergencies, and she wants me to be a part of whatever kinds of decisions might be made. (Don't fret; nothing like this is imminent. She has not received a death sentence, aside from the one we all live under.) She told me that, should it come to this, she wants me to care for her, rather than her daughter. I told her to get that in writing and witnessed by a lawyer pronto.

I am both shocked and gratified at her decision. Mostly when the concept of long-term disability enters the conversation, Beloved is of the "Get me a gun" mindset. (I am quite familiar with it, having grown up with it in my mother.) That she... trusts me, and would allow me the privilege, as complicated as that would be, well... it's significant. It is as great a statement of our mutual commitment as either of us has made.

Later, as we were finishing up our work, this song came on. Beloved told me that she wants it at her funeral. (Again, nothing either of us expects for a long time, though her health has her thinking mortal thoughts.) Like an ass, I teared up. Upon which, Beloved threw herself to the floor as if to suddenly drop dead. (She does things like this, and not just to me.) Then I began laughing, and she popped up again, bad penny that she is. "It's about us," she said.

It feels odd and yet entirely appropriate to enter this new year thinking and planning how we shall be together all our days, whether those are played out in 40 or 50 years or at some earlier point. I end this year, if anything, more grateful and more in love than I began it. I end this year stunned by the goodness of God to give me this relationship.

Give me a boat that can carry two, and both shall row... my love and I.

10 comments:

Sophia said...

My beloved and I are in the same space--after not knowing if we could make it during our troubles we enter this year of our twentieth anniversary closer and more in love than we have ever been. Giving thanks for such amazing grace in your relationship and mine, and keeping her in prayer for the health issues.

Rock in the Grass (Pete Grassow) said...

peace and love to you (both) in 2009

August said...

smiling for you both

annie said...

beauty, grace, peace, serenity, blessings, comfort, joy unspeakable, health, and contentment upon both of you and your families.

Processing Counselor said...

Prayers for your beloved. I prepared my will last year, then precipitously had a health crisis. All of my papers were there, durable power of attorney- lots of papers (I had a good attorney and a lesbian one, to boot.) Protect both of you for such situations. We have had friends who have been ejected from the hospital when their partner was very ill!

Jane R said...

As a solo hetero I think about this on and off: who will care for me when I am sick? The answer is "close friends," but I moved across the country three years ago and have not updated my various papers. I need to do so. Thanks for the reminder. And love and blessings and good health to you and Beloved!

Sophia said...

Me again, C., with an afterthought I almost sent by email, and you can respond to that way if you prefer. But I thought I'd give you the option of doing it here, in a comment or a post, as it might also be instructive for others.

I felt a little uncomfortable mentioning our upcoming anniversary in my earlier comment, but didn't think much of it till I was praying through some analogous stuff in another friendship today. On another day I might have also mentioned my anger and grief that you and Beloved are presently blocked from any such public recognition of your covenant....

I worry that as written it may have been a painful reminder of the straight privilege I still take for granted. If it was, I'm sorry...and ask both your forgiveness and your prayers for deeper conversion. But I also don't want to harp on the injustice of your situation or see you only through it, as I know you also have much joy and freedom in your life....So basically I'm checking in about this comment in particular, and wondering how I can be the best friend and ally to you in general in matters like these.

Much love, and a blessed New Year, and thanks for listening--and for being the gift you are for me and for Godde's people.

Cecilia said...

Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes.

Sophia, please do not fret about that. It certainly did not hit me in that way. I recognize, of course, that Beloved and I don't live in a place where marriage is an option for us. But I know and trust that many, many loving allies-- you included!-- are out there fighting for our rights. Peace to you. Thank you for your loving concern.

Sophia said...

(((Cecilia))).

sharecropper said...

Prayers continuing for both of you. Thanksgivings for love that endures. And the emphasis that good paperwork will ensure that your wishes will be carried out if you are unable to make decisions. A lesbian or gay lawyer usually knows the right paperwork for that state. We even have a registered piece of paper that denotes "next-of-kin", and we know that it works. Blessings upon you.