Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lent Day 18: Moments in My Day

On my friend's doorstep at 6:40, ready for Tai Chi.

Spend the next hour breathing, moving and balancing. And not worrying. Thank you Godde.

Walking with Beloved for 40 minutes, followed by coffee at our favorite place. Lovely.

Office: filled with people needing to fax, needing to copy, needing to talk, needing generally. All morning.

Lunch with my ex-husband, to tell him of my plans to come out... so that he can be aware, and be there for my children if need be.

An hour with Beloved in which we have a massive fight, one of our worst. Topic: lunch with my ex-husband. Is The Ex Cecilia's friend or not? Discuss.

Back to the office, following sundry errands which will please my daughter. Work feverishly to prepare for....

A meeting with the church governing board, from which I am excused so that they may discuss me with representatives of our regional governing body. (No, I haven't come out yet. This is other stuff. Good stuff.)...

In between having terrible, horrible, no good, very bad phone contact with Beloved. (Sample: "Did I say I'm sorry? I changed my mind.")

Cookies being passed around at meeting. They smell good. Especially to a girl who's, you know, kind of pissed and anxious right now.

Streak of pain across the middle of my back... more Tai Chi?

Counting the hours until I can sleep.

14 comments:

Sara said...

Lots of prayers from here.

Jan said...

Sweet dreams and healing.

Sarah S-D said...

so sorry to have missed your call.

love you. (((((cecilia))))

Songbird said...

Hope you get some good rest.

Sophia said...

Oh, dear one, hang in there.

You can always call me too, you know.

(((Cecilia)))

Processing Counselor said...

You go girl!

LittleMary said...

oh sweet love. i am so sorry. and i love you so.

bugs said...

Thinking of you!

Choralgirl said...

Hang in, you. Praying for you!

Jane R said...

It's normal that this whole time in your life would stress you and Beloved. Get lots of support. Hope you got some rest...

(((Cecilia)))

(((Cecilia and Beloved)))

Anonymous said...

sorry about the fight with b. glad tai chi helped. it helped me. nice job resisting the cookies. have to go now and discuss whether or not the ex is your friend...

peacester

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

Had time last night to catch up on the reading of blogs, and was so glad I found my way to yours, so I could add my prayers for you and Beloved to those of the others.

I commented last night, but Blogger ate it! At any rate, Cecilia, I will pray for your process. I am envisioning you bursting out of the tomb of your closet like Jesus bursting out of his tomb on Easter ...look here.

You'll get some scars, but I believe mostly you'll gain freedom and newness of life.

Just me said...

The Safest Place

As I lay with you here
In the safest place I have ever known
Your breast beating in my ear
My cheek brushing the softness of you
I wander, in a half-dream
chasing wisps of ideas as they float all around me.

With my eyes closed
I flirt with the world
Inviting it to partake of me
Know me for who I am
and accept me.
I court the danger of its wicked mind
Its vicious tongue
and its damaging beliefs.

I take its hand
Talking to it as I would a child
And show it a gentler place

A place in my woman’s arms
Where there is no hatred
No pain or worry
The safest place I have ever known

Jo Malone

In this time of insecurity and tension may yours and Beloved's space be a safe place - if anyone can take the worlds hand and show it a gentler place I believe you can Cecilia. God bless.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

I agree with Jane--I think tension between you and Beloved is to be expected now. When you come out, it is going to change her life too--and, given what you have said about her and the way she lives her life, I imagine she's nervous about what that means for your future.

I'd be curious to know why Beloved is nervous about your ex, though. He seems to have been supportive all along.

Prayers for you both...

Pax,
Doxy