I had the experience today of sitting with a group of clergy-- all fairly new to the whole minister business-- and participating in a conversation about "Who am I turning out to be as a pastor?" It was so fascinating hearing people talk about the complications of the pastoral role, about the expectations we have versus the reality that hits us, about the expectations they have (the congregation, that is) versus the reality, and what it is to be mutually disappointed and yet recognize the grace therein.
I know of no one else in this group who is gay or lesbian (for certain, that is). But, of course, I have my suspicions. There is one woman with whom I find I am constantly exchanging glances-- we "check in" with one another as the group is talking, we notice one another's reactions. We smile at one another.
We are both waiting to see if it is safe.