On Resentment and Getting a Wife, Old School

¹⁵Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” ¹⁶Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷Leah’s eyes were lovely, and Rachel was graceful and beautiful. ¹⁸Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” ¹⁹Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” ²⁰So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. ²¹Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” ²²So Laban gathered together all the people of the place, and made a feast. ²³But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. ²⁴(Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.) ²⁵When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” ²⁶Laban said, “This is not done in our country—giving the younger before the firstborn. ²⁷Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.” ²⁸Jacob did so, and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife. ~ Genesis 29:15-28

Anyone out there hear this story for the first time in the context of "Fiddler on the Roof"? Perchik, the itinerant revolutionary, tutors Tevye's youngest daughters, tells the story, and draws himself up to his full height, and says, "Therefore you can see that the Bible clearly teaches that employers are not to be trusted" (or something along those lines).

It's a laugh line. It gives Hodel a chance to needle Perchik, and gives him a chance to break down some boundaries with her (because, of course, they end up together). But the purpose of using the story is to show how people bend their interpretation of scripture to suit their own interpretive, political and personal goals.

This is such an awful story. Anyone, this far into the Genesis stories, getting tired of infertility as a trope? (Raising my hand.) Anyone, loving these stories, still cringing along with me at the way these people mistreat one another? (Raising my hand again.) Anyone recognize themselves in at least one if not more characters? (Yeah.... you know.)

Personally, I have been both Leah and Jacob, the unloved wife and the one longing for someone other than his spouse. I have, I see it now, spent a lot of time feeling I have been wronged.

What is that all about, I wonder? I think perhaps I have been wronged now and then, but I have done the wronging, too, oh my, yes I have. In 12-step groups we talk a lot about resentments. They are considered toxic and dangerous to the addict. Resentments are what give us permission to drink/ drug/ gamble/ binge/ cheat/ have illicit sexual liaisons (depending upon your particular addiction, of course). Someone at a meeting said, "Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die." Isn't that the truest thing?

Truth be told: we hurt one another. Sometimes, intentionally. Often, inadvertently. We hurt one another, and life can be painful as a result. But it can be beautiful too. Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful things we can give one another. It is release, for the forgiver and the forgiven, both at once.

I wonder about Laban. Did he just have it in for Jacob? Why was that? Did he get a telegram from Esau before Jacob ever pulled up to the well? Did he decide this guy was too big for his britches, and he needed to be taken down a peg?

Notice where God is in the story: no where. Not until wombs start opening and drying up. God lets the people work all this stuff out themselves. But God does, in the end, seem to love a love story just as much as the next guy.