Sunday, July 13, 2008

Towards Freedom

I have been working closely with a woman to assist me in my recovery efforts from addictive behavior with food.

I have known this woman for a few years, casually-- from somewhat of a distance. I witnessed her work in group settings. She always struck me as calm, compassionate, and a real hard-ass. In other words, there was a right way and a wrong way to do things. She didn't let slackers slide through. I believe this is one reason I like working with her... I have my slacker tendencies, especially where this issue is concerned.

This woman is not a member of my congregation, but she works closely with several members on a community project. I had decided, a while ago, that I would not be coming out to her.

Yesterday, the winds of the Spirit blew in a new direction. Shortly after breakfast, I knew that I needed to talk to her. I knew that I needed to tell her.

This felt risky. I had no way of knowing what her position would be on my position. Would she think I was-- you know-- of the devil? Or something? But, addiction is about secrets. And I work so closely with this woman... I had already found myself fudging about Beloved and our relationship. I decided to take the risk.

She listened compassionately. She offered an open door should I want to talk about the complexities and challenges of this situation. She even offered thoughts on the folks from my congregation, where they might stand. She did not reject me.

As we parted, and she gave me a long, fierce hug, I found myself looking heavenward... it's such a strong instinct! And I said, "Thank you. Freedom is calling, and you are going to get me there."

11 comments:

Julie said...

God is wonerful and my prayers are with you.

FranIAm said...

AMEN! Wow, trust those instincts sister, the Holy Spirit is in your heart.

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Praise God. I'm so glad that you have her support.

I've been thinking of you lately. I'm cutting white sugar and white flour from my diet as much as I can, and it's having a totally unexpected effect. My allergies are gradually going away. Anyway, you've been a role model from afar as I've undertaken these changes, so I thought you'd like to know they are having a positive impact.

Choralgirl said...

Yes, MA'AM. (grin) Woo hoo!

Jan said...

WOW--you are definitely being guided, helped by you being discerning. This is so good. With you and Ruth as my guides, maybe I'll get healthier finally.

Songbird said...

I'm so happy for you!

Hope said...

This is awesome, Cecilia! I am so happy for you. Maybe the winds of freedom are blowing this way also. As you had suggested, I sought out an open and accepting church. When I left from my first meeting with the pastor there, she hugged me. I had shared my heart's burden face to face, for the first time ever, and was neither condemned nor rejected. Rather, I found a kind and compassionate heart. How freeing this is to one's soul, to know that there is acceptance and love when, for me, I believed for so long that it did not exist. I rejoice with you in this moment that you have experienced. I hope that it is just one of many for you on your journey.

3ThingsI'veLost: said...

i almost can't wait to see how all of this plays out in your life!

Barbara said...

Cecelia, we learn to walk one step at a time. And look at you! This is a BIG step. God is with you every step of the way. I am SO happy for you.

Suzer said...

Cecilia -- I'm so, so happy for you. And scared at the same time -- can't help the scared for you part. But I can also see how, in the end, your coming out will ultimately be freeing. I just fear for the hurt you may endure -- and I've never even met you in real life!

Hugs to you, my friend.

AmyL said...

Hi! When I came out several years ago, I was a woman's minister. I was asked to leave my church and have no communication with it's members. (Yes, this gets better.) My heart was broken, but as it healed my relationship and trust in God grew to a place I never thought possible. He is my constant guide, leader and friend. My quest now is to find that very special woman who I may share my love for God with in unity. I know that is the type of relationship I need. any advice is welcome as I seek God for this. Amy