Thursday, June 11, 2009

What Lies Ahead: Edited

Today:

Workshop/ day of retreat for individuals affected by a recent disaster in our fair village.

Haircut/ various attempts to prettify Cecilia up.

Dinner with national disaster response folks.

Photo shoot for Teh Play Petra and I are doing this summer.

Um... sermon? On Mark 4:26-34? The plan at present is to talk about the mustard seed as producing a really annoying weed that is incredibly tenacious... just like the kingdom of heaven!

Rehearsal

Drop exhausted into bed... except, I never do. I come home all wound up, and then I stay up too late so that when the alarm goes off at 5:55 I am the walking wounded (like today).

Looking ahead:

Writing theological defense of what has recently been called "my lifestyle" so that I may have hopes of keeping my church.

Roller-coaster-like experiences of fear, then grace, then fear again, then grace again, until it stops... and, it will stop sometime, right?

In the meantime:

I still live with young people who WILL continue to have their own lives and crises and needs (the nerve!).

I still have a relationship with a very cool woman who is going through her own stuff, to do with her business and building.

And they're tearing up my street. They're digging up gaslines (maybe they're digging for gold. Who knows?). And they've dug up my beautiful yard, displacing about a dozen of my lovely perennials... And I've developed a sudden fear that there will be an explosion.

Which would render all of the above pretty silly to have expended a lot of anxiety over. I guess.

Addendum: My dear friend Sophia has gently pointed out an unfortunate joke made at the expense of those who struggle with mental illness. Not ok. Not cool. I apologize to you, my readers, and ask your forgiveness. I hope Cecilia's place is a place of welcome for all, period.

9 comments:

God_Guurrlll said...

My heart goes out to you. Especially over the perenials. I am crazy about gardening and can really empathize with the the anxiety over your garden.

Sophia said...

Oh, sweetie. You are dealing with so much, so bravely and honestly. Lots of love and prayer.

Could I ask one small favor? I am really sensitive to jokes about mental illness and hospitalization for it....Could you maybe find another way to vent about the terrible stress and anxiety you are facing?

Many thanks. (((C)))

Sarah S-D said...

oh my. that is a lot. i'm on the other end of the phone line, m'dear. not that you have time to call. and i'm praying, praying, praying...

love you. glad getting pretty is part of this daunting day. that should help.

PamBG said...

Writing theological defense of what has recently been called "my lifestyle" so that I may have hopes of keeping my church.

Arrrgggh! LOL! Waaahhh! Booo! Hiss! Bah! Hah!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I'll bet your 'lifestyle' is rather like mine: a middle-aged woman[1] with her spouse. The 'life-style' is a covenant promise that is a reflection of God's faithfulness to his people, is it not?

Why is it that monogamy is something that heterosexuals faithfully pursue as a discipleship discipline and a wonton lack of self-control that gay people 'commit'?

Try some Rowan Williams, pre arch-bishing.

......PamBG goes off muttering.....

[1] I remember you mentioning your age bracket and I think I'm a tiny bit older and so can say that! If you'll forgive me. ;-)

Sophia said...

Forgiveness gladly and gratefully given, dear friend. I am so glad you're in my life.

August said...

Just thinking of you & sending good vibes!

jsd said...

Prayers for you and your loved ones.

Sara said...

"Your lifestyle"? What PamBG said.

I'm a little behind in my reading so I'm trying to play catch-up. You continue to be in my prayers.

LittleMary said...

i wish the anxiety would stop. but i wonder if it ever will, i mean, the anxiety changes its face but...