I am awaiting the beginning of a meeting of the church council. Tonight they must decide:
A. Do they still want me to be their pastor, given my "situation"? (I believe the answer to this is "Yes.")
B. Do they want to renew my contract for another two years (given the "news" about me)?
C. Do they want me to become their permanent pastor?
Option B has some things going for it. Under our system, it could go through the regional governing body with greater ease. Pastorally, it could be a way to reach out to those who are disaffected by my "status."
Can you tell I'm tired of all the euphemisms?
How about this: Do they want me to be their pastor, given that I'm a lesbian in a relationship?
There, that feels better.
There's something about everyone's (including my) inability to say the words "gay" or "lesbian" or "homosexual" that feels like we're all talking about something that makes us just a wee bit ashamed. I'm unhappy with that. I feel that I need to lead the way in helping everyone gain greater comfort with the language. But it is a balancing act. What feels like too much focus on sexuality pushes us into a zone of discomfort that I'm not sure is necessary.
Prayers, please: that I might be able to walk the line with integrity.