Thursday, April 19, 2012

I Just Can't Quit You

So. I am, once again, in that coffee shop in my daughter's college town.  I am here to see her in a musical that is probably one of my very favorites, an amazing combination of 19th century German and 21st century US pop/rock. Petra is playing the part of a young woman whose parents abuse her, and singing a heart-rending song along those lines.

It is a long drive from home to here. But, God, I miss the girl, and it is really great to anticipate seeing her (which I shall, as soon as her opening night performance is over. I see the show tomorrow.)

So, multiple times over the past months I have thought, I should just shut down this blog. It has been a source of consternation for me since the revelation that my content here was being read by someone near to me, who was hurt by it. (Read the word "near" and understand that it carries significant complexity.) Since then, I have hesitated to write in a very personal vein, though I certainly shared lots about my dad in my most recent posts (from five months ago. Ahem.)

Anyway, each time I think, yeah, I'm done, it's time to shut this puppy down... a comment comes in. Which astonishes me. People find this blog and they read it and they comment, and then I think, well, perhaps it still serves some kind of purpose.

So, here I am. Still. I have recently had the joy of seeing my church and my ministry welcome in more members of the LGBTQ community, in small and subtle but still somehow significant ways. No one in my church (I think I can say this with a lot of confidence) wants to see the feel of the church changed. No one wants a "gay" church, including me. That may sound self-hating, but all I mean by it is, I want everyone to feel welcome. I know that is complicated and not always easy to achieve, but it is my goal. For LGBTQ folks who hanker after a faith community with all people who are 'in the family,' there are options, including the wonderful and amazing MCC. My church, though, is a place where I hope that LGBTQ people other than I can be made to feel as welcome as... well, as I have felt. Big old lesbian that I am.

Once again, we had a Holy Week and Easter experience that was amazingly wondrous. Once again, on Easter Sunday afternoon, I was so tired I thought I might lay down in the tomb myself, but after a three hour nap awoke to make bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches with my Beloved feeling that, my, we DID that. We DID Holy Week. We were there, from Palms through betrayal and anointing (I preached on Mark 14 on Maundy Thursday) and meal and arrest, the long walk to the cross, and the surrendering, all of it, every pain and every breath. We were there. Our hearts were, at any rate. And Easter Sunday was as joyous and transcendent as I could have hoped, from Sunrise Service to Festive Worship... to nap. God, I love Easter. Goodness is stronger than evil. Indeed.

So, UnCloseted Pastor blog, I will not quit you, not just yet, not now. I will attempt, again, to be present here. Perhaps a post soon on a recent continuing ed experience I found also to be transcendent. Perhaps more on Beloved. But I will still be here, from time to time. Thanks for continuing to show up. I'll try to do the same.