Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fallout. Or Not.

It turns out, and not for the first time, that my anticipation of doom was premature (or just plain wrong). As if you didn't know already, the players in the conflict were Beloved and my ex-husband. Very complicated to explain how they could come to near blows professionally, but there it is. I was actually standing there, living in this world, watching them scuffle.

They were both right. They were both caught up in a political mess not of their own making. They were both doing what they had to do to for the good of the organizations they represented. And... it blew over.

My ex and I don't talk a lot, except for things to do with the children, but still, I had a feeling of wanting to avoid him this week. And I know that he actually likes Beloved, and is happy for me. He graciously called me and talked to me about something unrelated, and signaled that all was well. I was very relieved. I do not want us to be on bad terms. I do not want them to be on bad terms.

As to the other, TV-related thing, not a word, whimper or phone call. So either no one noticed or no one cares.

Beloved and I had a conversation this morning about... you know, the usual, me coming out, it happening on my timetable or on someone else's (or Someone else's). There is a mutual friend who seems to be wanting to raise the alarm. "People know!" she keeps saying. And it takes me, even if briefly, to a place of fear. But I don't want to be there, and I want to be in a place of peace and calm and que sera sera. And "What am I that you are mindful of me?" So. No fallout. At least, not today.


Choralgirl said...

Steady there, C. It's going to be OK--whatever happens. :-)

FranIAm said...

Sending lots of love and prayers your way - that must have been very, very tough to experience.

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I'm so glad it blew over and there is no fallout for now.

Jan said...


daisy said...


As far as the "People know," issue, it's tough to stay centered when fear keeps wanting to drag you away into turbulence. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

glad to hear it, c. i was wondering how you were this week, after all the fun. (i'm curious about the tv.)

people will always "know." and that's not always the same thing as recognizing or acknowledging. my sweetie's grandma is able to live a very healthy denial after 14 years. at the same time, i like that you're sort of building up a resistance to threat or fear or whatever... this is your life.


Saintly Ramblings said...

St Teresa of Avila and another nun were spending a night in an empty house which was to be turned into a convent. The nun, thoroughly scared, got it into her head that she was going to die in the night and she asked the foundress what she would then do all alone in such a place. "I will think about that if it should happen," St Teresa calmly replied, "but in the meantime, Sister, let us go to sleep."

Barb said...

I'm glad that doom hasn't hit you ! Actually, I can't believe it ever will, but understand that the anticipation of it is a constant companion sometimes. Keep the faith !