Monday, May 19, 2008

Flour and Sugar and Me

Doxy asked about the no flour, no sugar thing.

I first blogged about this particular round of what I'm doing here, about three weeks ago. I could talk about what I'm doing as a diet. I don't eat flour. I don't eat sugar. (They're not my foods, I think, when all is said and done.) I weigh and measure my meals, three a day, with no snacks in between. That's how I've been doing this, and at this point I have some weight loss success I can share: a little over 23 lbs in the month I've been doing this thing.

But, the truth is, I'm in a 12 step program. And the essence of what I'm doing can't be boiled down to diet details, though they are part of it. The essence of what I'm doing is saying, I have an addiction. I've used food addictively and I've hurt myself with it. I don't want to do that any more. Even when I've had a couple of slips (I ate some flour about 14 days ago), I don't want to dive headfirst into these substances again. They are not for me, not today. And I believe this is something about myself I cannot change, this addictive response.

Everyone who's familiar with 12 step programs understands that this is a spiritual path. I, who am a minister, pastor of a church, a "professional religious person," needed this program to remind me to put my money where my mouth is. I believe God's in charge? Well, I guess now I'm trying to live into that, even to the details of what I put in my body every day for nourishment.

Doxy, yes! It takes kind of a long time to eat, and at the beginning it took a long time to prepare food too. Salads! Chopping vegetables forever and ever! But now I have learned to make a bunch of salads at a time, and that's made things a lot more streamlined. And... I feel so good, it is totally, totally worth it.

God, keep me in this frame of mind. Grant me (everybody together!) the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And let the people say: Amen.


3ThingsI'veLost: said...

Amen! Good for you Cecilia!

anita said...

Cecilia, I began 12 step recovery in May 1999 at 325 pounds and have lost a little more than 140 since that time. I had the same thoughts around seeking a spiritual program for help with my obsession with food as a Christian and a pastor but got over it real quick when I realized how much I was trying to control in my life and how little I was giving over to God, including my food.

In some ways the spirituality of the program is very separate from my Christian faith and certainly from my theology. There are ideas about God in the Big Book that don't gel in anyway with what I believe in how God works in our lives but rather than allowing that to get in the way of my recovery I tend to suspend my theology when I go to meetings. All in all it's been an amazing and definitely life-changing experience.

And as to the food taking time to prepare, in the beginning it might take more time because at least for me, it takes more time to wash, chop, and stirfry vegetables and chicken that it did for me to call out for pizza, drive through the fast-food, or grab microwavable foods from the grocery store :) After a while though, preparing nutritional moderate meals comes second-nature and it just becomes something you do to take care of yourself like any number of things.

Above all remember, it's one day at a time. So glad to hear what's unfolding for you on this front :)

FranIAm said...

God bless you!

I really need to make changes like this, what stops me? (she asks rhetorically, knowing the reply...)

ClosetedBaptistLesbian said...

Are you in CR (Celebrate Recovery)? They pray that prayer at the end, but it's longer.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Cecilia--thanks for the info!

I have my own issues with food. I am, by nature, carnivorous. My diet is terribly unhealthy, but it is masked by the fact that I am at (or near) the ideal weight for my height. I also exercise regularly, and my blood chemistry numbers are excellent.

So....lots of reasons why I don't "need" to change the way I eat.

But there is a voice in my head that keeps telling me, "You need to cut that out before it's too late."

Change is really difficult, minus some catalyst that demands it immediately. Thanks for some insight into what you are doing. I need to think and pray about this...


Suzer said...

I have tried no flour no sugar, and I guess I'm just not strong enough, not ready, whatever. I envy those with the ability to make that change, as I understand it does lead to great weight loss. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. My weight loss efforts rarely seem to last past 3 p.m. on the day I start them. I know that I, too, have an addiction, but I'm afraid I've grown too comfortable with it to want to change.

Thank you for sharing this. It's got me thinking again.

The Swandive said...

What an amazing post C. Thank you again and again for your honesty and witness.

Anonymous said...

Hi there! I just finished my 2 pages and something told me to put into google no flour and sugar and there you are. I gentle reminder from God that I am excatly where I am supposed to be. I also came into program 10 months ago and have lost 96 lbs. I am closer to God than I have ever been and I don't want to use food addictvely anymore also a day at a time. Infact I am within pounds of my goal weight I believe. But now the fun begins with the recovery of my mind. Good luck and remember...just for today :)