Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Demons

Just then there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit, and he cried out, “What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Mark 1:23-24

de-mon, n. 2. A persistently tormenting person, force or passion.

Beloved and I have some experience with demons this week. Maybe we should have seen this coming, but somehow, we didn't. Why should we? We are two intelligent, sensitive and loving women, devoted to one another, with many resources available to us, including good and thoughtful friends.

Here's why we should: Faced with a significant health crisis, one of the first things we ask ourselves (I think) is: Am I safe? Will I be ok? This is a question that, for Beloved, conjures up nightmares I can only imagine, being the victim of a predator in her own home from the age of 4 until she escaped the house at age 19. Faced with ongoing concerns about her heart-- her dear, loving and wounded heart-- Beloved has asked this question again, and it has caused her to go into dark places.

On the other hand, faced with a health crisis in a life partner, most of us ask the question (implicitly or explicitly): will I lose her? Is he going away? Will I be alone? And that question has taken me into my own dark places of loss.

We have both had to do battle with demons this week. It has taken its toll. Even the simplest interactions have found a way to go funhouse-mirror wrong, even today, even after days and days of trying to figure it out, trying to say What's wrong? and come up with an answer that might help us find our way out to safety.

We're still working on it. We're still for each other, no matter what. We know that. But... the demons are with us still.

7 comments:

Jane R said...

May you feel wrapped in love and suffused with love.

I hope you have a supportive place or person to whom you can go at this delicate and difficult juncture - therapist, couples spiritual director, trusted elder, solid friend.

Take good care of your dear selves.

Sophia said...

Oh, I'm sorry it's so hard, dear Cecilia. Holding you both in prayer that Christ will cast the demons out as he did for us in our time of trouble.

Songbird said...

Still thinking of you, praying for you.

Arkansas Hillbilly said...

{{{Cecilia}}}

Prayers for you both...

Choralgirl said...

What Jane said. Much love to you both.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

I continue to pray for both of you. And I second Jane--talking this out with a trusted outsider might help a lot. I have found that the power of demons dissipates when they are discussed in the light of day. It's lying in bed at night, thinking lonely, desperate thoughts, that feeds them.

Love,
Doxy

Julie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Maybe sometimes certain issues need to come up in order to get out.